To be or not to be.. honest

I'm on holidays. That leaves a lot of time for thinking. I have returned from visiting my new love over the weekend ( we are trialling a long distance relationship for 12 months.. a whole other story )to my everyday life. It is like my time with him is in some parallel universe. I have been seperated for 2 years today. My ex is still hell bent on making my life miserable. All in the name of "love" of course.
But its not really.
He is just mad that he lost all the power.

So this is pretty typical of how things go between us. Lately Anyway. Next week it could be a whole other story.

So he comes to pick up the children on Friday afternoon and sees I have some packed bags for the weekend. "Where are you going?" he asks, trying to sound like he is not interested. It is then that I have a decision to make. Do I tell him Im going to visit my lover for the weekend, that I will be 4 hours away and unable to come to the childrens aid should they require me, or lie and make up another story?
I choose what I always choose with him.
I lie.
I tell him Im off to the city for new years eve.
"Oh, well drive safe" he replies, I don't know if he believes me.

Why should I care?
Why can't I just be honest?

He knows I am in a new relationship, and have been for 18 months. But I still don't want him to know about it. I still hide that I am happy for the first time in 10 years. When he first heard that I was in a new realtionship I didn't tell him the truth because I was scared he would attempt to take custody of the children.

But now I just cant be honest about it.

I owe this man nothing and yet I avoid the issues surorunding my new relationship because he has a knack if making me feel guilty about it. Could it be that I have unresolved issues surrounding moving on with a new man? I have asked myself this question over and over. I am now in the most mature and adult realtionship I have ever been in. It is healthy, equal, balanced and honest and respectful. So why can't I be upfront and to hell with the tantrums my ex throws?

My new love calls my Ex my "Ex Wife" as he says that he has never seen a man whine and complain about things so much.
And he's right.
I put up with it.
I avoid upsetting him.

Phew! anyway that is way heavier than I had planned to be. This Blog is supposed to be light, insightful and fun. Ha ha!! oops!

So anyway I have had a weekend away. we take it in turns once a month to drive the 4 hours to see each other. Into that life of love, lust, sleep, cuddles, more sleep and just drinking in all that is great about new love. It is a haven. I feel so spolit. Not literally. But just indulgent when we are together. So much time doing very little. In a world where life is 100 miles an hour and I barely have a minute to spare, time with him is spent in slow mode..
But..
Theres always a but isn't there?
He doesn't talk much. I talk a lot. I have often joked that I dont think that I could ever be in a relationship where the man talks more than I do.
It doesn't appear to bother him much. When I have apologised for it he simply replies,"That's just you". He doesn't complain about it. Or chastise me for it, he just accepts it. Quietly.
It's nice to be accepted. Never have I been this acceptable to someone. which is why I cannot understand why I continue to, when I am confronted with my ex, be that down trodden pathetic woman I was when I was married . Now I am happy with myself, I have a man who is accepting of all of me, he doesn't ask me to change or to alter myself he loves me for who I am.. So I should feel empowered shouldn't I?. Hmm will have to work on that one.